I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
