and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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