I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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