dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
