i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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