left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
