Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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