3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
