I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
