The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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