wrigley field is MILF paradise
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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