After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
