Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
