Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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