There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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