my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
