I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
