Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
