exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My underwear smells like fireworks.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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