I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dicks are not precious.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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