I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
