My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
