dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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