I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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