Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
