Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
