i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
