i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
