she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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