Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
