No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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