Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
