We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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