I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
