does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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