Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
