you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
