Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
