She swung at the pinata with crutches
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
