I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
