Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
