I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
