and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
