Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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