I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
