Cold hands, warm shart.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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