from now on my penis is your penis
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
