The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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