Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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