I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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