Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
