I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
