I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
