they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
