I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
