they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
