I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
barbara walters just said penis...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
