i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
