I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
