Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
