It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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