well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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