went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
