Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize