mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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