my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
